Time to live and travel time. Chapter 5
The more I thought about how my journey would get up, the deeper was immersed in the puchin of doubts, anxiety and secive attacks. It was such a mental cleaning, through which I had to go anyway, because the body that was in a pond called so many years «Day yesterday, like a day today», where water is always without movement, standing water, which can later turn into a swamp, and I did not want to transform. Of course, not like kafki in the story «Transformation», where the main character was forced to turn into a cockroach, but sense, I think was similar.
Only here in Canyacumari, I decided to sit down and start unloading my brain from useless thoughts, having fallen.
Filtered the accumulated negative so that he will be left as soon as. I raised to the surface only those thoughts and things that fill me positive and make me better, the rest was released and cleaned.
I tried to escape from my tired subconscious and body both physically and mentally.
In a pair of thoughts frozen in my subconscious, I find my own fear and lose freedom. Losing peace that I copied so long inside myself.
Fear goes stronger, I agree to him and rapidly fall on the bottom of hopelessness.
But fear is stronger, his power is great. Similar thoughts were addressed to nights in the song in. Tsoya «Calm night».
In the dusk, I drove me thoughts, I get less and less, I forget who I am and why I was looking for my freedom for so long.
Under the weight of the Dum, I hide my heart with a dark cloth, overlapping oxygen for my lungs.
My meager mind no longer emits light. I am a gray substance from the lunar surface and my fate is cold and empty.
I was too long in despair, to seriously take similar mind games.
There there is no distance between the sky and the earth there and you, as a body that has no weight, balance between them, is there, then there.
Life is divided by before understanding and accepting yourself and on after when you and yours «I am» integral. Your subconscious now functions on a par with unconscious.
It usually happens like, a person simply runs into its unconscious with his anxieties, sadness, inferiority complex. All this is similar to the sea shell, where we hide from life. After studying all these internal problems, we increase the amount of energy that is spent on conscious processes.
Our subconscious has access to all past experience not only to your, but also perhaps the experience of all mankind, and operates with all the accumulated material, in contrast to the usual everyday processes of the brainstitch, where the set of famous elements is limited to our attention. It is fundamentally important to trust your subconscious and open him the way to your reality if you want to bring your life to a fundamentally different level of development.
Such a level where there is no place for prejudices and prejudices, where the stereotypes of behavior are not needed, where every new moment of your life becomes a surprise.
In the usual life, our mind is constantly under pressure from negative impact and we, as a body, are a large battery for such a brain and store similar material.
In the subconscious, there is nothing of this, there is only free creativity or, if we speak differently, the spark, there is illusions, and poor nature is formed, if you give it a corresponding feed.
Feeding comes from our positive and creative thoughts, actions and from awareness of all that we usually do not notice and do on autopilot. Therefore, we come out together from our shells and expand the horizons.
So many stories begins either with dismissal, or with problems in personal life, or with other difficulties that are concerned about the main story character. That is, the hero, being in the state of Maya (ignorance and illusiveness of reality) wants to defeat the disease, wants to cope with the disease. He closes the door, comes out of the house and immediately transformed. He appears a goal, the rod, like the ball of threads Ariadna, which should bring it to the path of correction.
We, of course, do not live in the world of fabulous heroes, not in the world of Hollywood Batman, where the film may have to 15 and more duplicate or 1 green screen, which comes in the hands of advanced graphic designers.
No, our world is real. It consists of blood, pain, tears and, sometimes, joy. Any step — It is always overcoming.
It constantly connects the internal operating system with an external shell of reality and at these moments when rendering and synchronization starts and the synchronization, we experience pain and overload, almost like astronauts when starting and landing the spacecraft, but there are all the automation or PC (center flight control), and they only feel this moment when the ship is gaining speed, and here we are real and vulnerable, but must endure and take a step forward.
From childhood, we are familiar to us where to make this step. Then we get used to everything and force ourselves not to notice the need to do this step and give everything to our autopilot, but it is wrong. Avoiding noticeing our pain, we cultivate it in an invisible monster, which one day will break their shackles and will give themselves to know: through the disease, through the nervous breakdown and T. D.
I am not a supporter of the theory without pain. Without pain, we would not know what happiness. Smacks masochism, tell me, but no. Subconsciously demand pain in order to comprehend happiness, very strange, but… Height — It always hurt.
Want to know more about yourself, but it may be unpleasant to you?! Yes? Then imagine the situation and answer the question below.
How would you behave if you were cut into the subway or on the road, someone did not give you up and forced to slow down how you do? Cut in response, catch up, will signal or push a person?
The response can say a lot about your essence, although within the framework of a large space that happened does not make sense, but it is not enough for you, your ego requires revenge, but from such a reaction in the universe events that will have far-reaching consequences for you can be launched.
So it may be initially thinking and not reacting? If you respond to each PSHIC, then it will give it the essence of not too high level of development, right as a pair of hungry dogs that have not shared a piece of bread, and it may be even worse for you, if you answer a person who is under pressure from complex life circumstances, being their hostage, he pushed you or cut out that he actually happened by chance. He could hurry in the hospital, hospital, home or something else, no matter. It is clear that you suffered because of it and it does not justify it, by no means, but not you judge him. Your business — This is responsible for yourself.
And in all in life. You want something, for example, to change in your city or does not suit the boss of your company, then change and grow yourself to do in the mind, become a change itself, help others. I responsibly declare you: Get up, take and do. Other in any way, brother!
I do not know those who once changed their lives for the better, again I would like to return to the old routine, from which I ran. This once again confirms that any attempt is worth a candle.
So I raked my thoughts, but before full of freedom from this, let’s say that an unfortunate luggage was still far.
Began to start first and so that you understand how much I was separated from reality in the incessant routine of everyday life, I would like to give my sketches from reflections under the name «Brain» and «Brain 2.0». They were written shortly before my dismissal, when everything was resisted that only you can, both in me and in.
The most important resistant was, of course, I myself. I don’t seem to be an enemy, but our brain loves to play these games, loves to oppose.
I could not collect my brain. Everything was spread over the smooth stroit of eternal pure consciousness.
Neither thoughts or sounds nor dreams — nothing now is in my head. Where did it go and return whether? when we talk «I’m a little lost», what we mean?
Brain and Our «I am» only in part is associated because one can control the other, but on the contrary it will not work.
So I’m sitting now, and trying to find those pieces of puzzle, which I need it so, which I am looking for some time in a state of perpetual deja vu. That here it was just in hand, and now it is no longer. Wandering mind in it? No.
He wanders constantly, but when you appeal to him, he is immediately ready to give you thousands of bytes of information, but now I appeal to him, and he does not even respond to my call. We are in one sacred vessel with him, but in absolutely different worlds. This is called lost. It seems around everything usually, but when it is over such a state to answer difficult. I am no longer controlling, he is somewhere there, in itself, and I’m here. By itself. I call, call! No answer.
Well. Let’s wait. I can wait. I patient. But is it worth waiting for him?
Maybe now the best time to run away from him and never come back, maybe this is the only chance to escape from his cell. Or not? Or maybe he left me and forgot to say about it? And now sit far and far and laughs at me, above how I’m looking for connections with him?
May Try the Golden Council of High-Tech Century, filmed with the mouth of any system administrator «And I did not try to reboot?»?!
Honestly, I have not tried. Tried, but it does not work. You know why?! Because he does not give! His goal is to exploit me further to drive into the very fortune when the loss of something equal to death. You know, say «death like»? That’s about it.
For while I sit and wait. Although I think he himself understood everything. I managed to take the most cherished desire. I already know the answer, but he is not. That is why he is looking for him throughout the universe of my eternal pure consciousness, but can not find. Yes, because I hid the answer between reality and sleep, broke it on hundreds of the smallest pieces and hid. All up to one. He is not found. He finds out, but later. It will be too late. For him.
Brain. Version 2.0
Returned and immediately decided to suppress me. Breed at ego. The next step is — it’s down to depression. Or pour you a ton of sadness. It can be. Cell. But I am not a small fragile bird, which can not even encroach on his power. I am a huge and proud eagle, I doubt his cage in the fluff and dust.
Although no, never returned. This is how it can always be in the basket, it is not even necessary to call. GAD.
There is some kind of universal mystery. How does the brain proceed, and we react on the machine? How he chooses one or another template for our future behavior?
For example, two schemes that are distributed and very clearly show that it is unpredictable and that behavior stereotypes can be reprogrammed by us.
Imagine you read a note about some rich man. There he says how he got everything easily and how happy he is and albeit everyone jealous.
The first thing that gives you the brain to you this feeling of inferiority that I will not succeed, I worse and went away.
The second thing that can issue the brain — I’m not worse than him, I can also take it immediately. Although this should not be the usual motivation.
Most of us in the first basket. Alas.
Our task Go to the second basket!
Over time, there is someone else, it disappears and only yours remains, what the soul is what is really important. All the adapted out of out.
Sometimes we fall. Often, even several times in one life. Our task, as creatures with consciousness, always get up once more than the number of falls. Every time find answers and make a new action plan.
It is necessary to detect what made us fall, because everything has its cause and its investigation. But not all of such reasons are obvious and to decipher to be able to work well.
And I worked as I could: And during the day, and at night.
I needed to go offline on all fronts and for this I needed such a kind of analog «Gap-year» or «Sabbatic», When students or workers take a break year after graduation and before entering higher education institutions or simply from work to look at the world around with different eyes, get some experience of other independent life, reboot.
It happens in another world: in the USA, in Europe. In my world — It appeared only now.
In adulthood, we also need to stop stopping. Get away from a laughing rut, overestimate your way, your views. Instead of a building covered with legs to head with glass and metal, start walking in the morning in the forest and breathe full of breasts.
The older we become, the less we let yourself be. Just be. We close from the world with a wall and thin in the ocean of problems. Thus, between the real life and the life of which we dreamed of living, an imbalance occurs. We are splitting on the sun, and someone even for a larger number of fragments. And I did not exception.
At the age of 15 I looked at the world with open eyes. I wanted to see him entirely. I wanted to make friends.
At 20, I still believed in dreams and hoped for their execution.
But a couple of years later, something changed in me. It has changed the time to start «adult» Independent life.
I grabbed the first opportunity and settled to work in the office. And stuck in this. Year after year I devoted my life to this lesson. And the more I had success in the profession, the more I lost myself. Divided from his essence. After all, our social professions do not always correspond to the inner world.
To compensate for this imbalance, I continued my music classes that began when I was 15.
Then he added here a photo and rare travel on vacation.
Time went and I stopped listening to my heart, as it seemed to be superfluous in the affairs of office, where the Career rules and the desire for monetary enrichment.
I began to fall into depression, began to gain weight. Definitely I was unhappy.
But one day everything has changed.
I’m just tired of being in such a state. Tired of angry on the whole world for not felt that I live. And I chose life!
I decided to quit and go to my first long journey in India. I decided to close all debts. Decided the most quickly prepared for the new and unknown.
The gap process passed for me quickly and painlessly and I might and mainly built new and new plans: where to go to make such what I never did. To conquer Vietnam on a bike? Made! To drive around the whole? Made! Release solo album? Made!
And this is just the beginning!
I launched my site of the photographer, began to write, published my first book «Israel. The story of one hike», Almost finished my second book, I also continue to play music and release albums.
I know that the main thing is to listen to myself and your heart. This way will always withdraw us to the light, where we will feel at home.
Now I am writing these lines from a small town in the center of Israel and in parallel I have been planning a trip through this country. We conceive new projects and build plans for the new year. I’m sure everything will be fine! Let it otherwise, what dreams of me, but I will definitely come true!
I again began to believe in myself and in the highest strength, which illuminates the way. I am not afraid of darkness and cold, because I am a reflection of the Sun: warm and bright, which is always in Zenith. In the Zenith of My Life Way.
Let you not be confused by the fact that places, locations and time are replaced in the book, as I wrote it exactly 1 year. I continued to live after returning from India and something from this new life is reflected on these pages.
As it is not surprising, but a couple of days before departure from Kanyakumari, my consciousness began to clear up and I again began to feel that inside me there are forces that support and direct, but they need to be periodically recharged by referring to the universe for help.
«You will no longer seem that you are confused that if you fall, you will find in a dark pit. Do not be afraid, keep going». (NS. Safarli)
So I did in the remaining days. I went to the sea for the sunset, sat face to him on a park bench and contemplated. I totted everything that was what is and what will.
I missed all 4 billion thoughts, which I ignored so long, but who prevented me to live, constantly reminding yourself.
Next step — This is awareness of your own strength. But before I have to decide where to go further.
My head was boiling, but the spiritual air of India did his job. Cleared me, gave forces, charged energy and helped me in every way. At such moments I reflected. Perhaps even out loud. But the Indians would still not understand me, they just sat next to me or with me, it looks like to understand. In any case, the ocean was common to us, the land for us was a common, bench — General and even the air was common.
Just some time ago, could I think so? Sure — No! India folded everything on the shelves of my brain, and something fell into the heart and there began to shine. India was like Prometheus, she gave me a fire that I had to regret in my heart and learn how to keep it there. At first it should be the fire of the first step, then the fire of recognition or acceptance of himself, then the fire of truth, and then the fire of the highest light, on the path of which everything is true.
I was still somewhere closer to the middle of the way, so my reflections were quite ordinary, as it seemed to me.
When a person satisfied his basic needs, it was straightforward led him to an existential crisis. Is there a difference in thoughts «what i will eat?» and «what would they do?». From here these problems. Problems from questions that no answer.
Who resigned and stopped hearing the call of such issues, it is probably happy in his stability, and the one who gave the will imagination and chasing the search for answers — Forever stuck between the worlds. Nothing gives out of reality as the imagination of the opportunity to find the highest meaning of life.
You can get lost in eternal search if you are lost in your life, the search you need. The road in this sense is the best friend. Who goes on it, he is looking for, and the one who is looking for — He is unite.
«And I will tell you: ask, and will give you; look for and find; knock, and dismiss you, because all seizing gets, and the looking job finds, and we will turn off». (Luke Gospel, 11: 5—ten)