Moth the Thames

It all started with the fact that one of my friend "illegal", More or less firmly settled in Britain and even dragging his wife there, wrote several of his friends – in the number of koi and I got, – that if we, the wonder of the aspirations, in the summer suddenly decide to come to visit him, then on the neck there is no one Let’s not: what, and he will find work. We fell a little bit. For a poor sociologist – I just graduated from the institute, and the cheapest tour of Albion cost 500-600 dollars, "this trip was almost unreal, moreover, it was necessary to carry at least the same as much as it was known, as you know, the British in the country are not allowed, even if all documents are in order.

After some effort, by gathering with the means, I bought myself a regular tour with a modest excursion program and accommodation in an equally modest hotel.

Friends managed to do the same somewhat earlier, and they flew away, without waiting for me. Three weeks later I heard from them on the phone that things are going by no means brilliantly, but – there is nothing to do, the passage is more precious than money, and they are waiting for me to have a number at noon at the subway "Queensway" in the heart of London. To be honest, I did not believe until the latter that we actually meet.

There were 40 people in our turgrop. We arrived, spent the night, and the bus to the bus to go on a tour, the village of Man 20, the rest somewhere resolved. Someone said that she was going to the football championship, someone went to buy a used car to another city, and one quiet woman, I remember, so cautiously asked me: "Sorry, you are in Russia when you think to go back? If, together with everyone, I would like if you can, with you something to pass. ". I had to tell her the truth – that I also plan to go back not earlier than six months.

My friends who started their English journey for three weeks earlier, all this time worked on the fields of British, manually collecting onions, and suffered from an inferiority complex. By side by side with them on the onion beds, European seasoners were trampled – the French with the Italians, so they all did it much better – faster, clearer and, most importantly – more, which, naturally, affected the salary.

But we needed money not only for money, but also in order to travel to see the country. Ideal it would be settled, say, the driver of a long-distance bus or someone like a conductor. But this is not Moscow, where apartments are completely repaired, Moldovan guest workers, and public transport will lead visitors from Ukraine. At the British Isles of Aliens-illegal immigrants do not take such work.

But without Ukrainians did not cost and at the Thames. Going to drink beer, we met the guys "from Kyiv", And they told the word for the word to us that there is such agency specializing in employment such as we – "illegal immigrants". By the way, they did, these Ukrainians enjoyed the highest degree of Gentlims: for such information at the intersections "illegal roads" Europe is asked usually considerable money. The fact is that the Agency itself does not advertise its activities, pleased with the old customers, mostly Poles, for whom trips to England on earnings, say, in front of Christmas holidays or just when there is time – the usual thing.

Coming out of the pub, we called the agency and found out that they just have three vacancies, but not in London itself, but in the surrounding area. Further everything solved as in the movies, speed. Nobody held these places for us, and a minibus went to the place of work from the Agency exactly an hour later – it was our time: grab things and run to the bus. We have time.

Little town in twenty minute suburban train from the nearest metro station. Golf Club with world name. Shortly before our arrival there was some international golf championship, and in those few weeks that we stayed there, visitors just trained, played, and all the time something ate – tormenting how much the dishes can be stained.

Her we and soap from morning to evening.

In the kitchen with a chic restaurant worked only white with European features – an indicator of the elitism of such institutions, although the work was pretty black. And we have at all.

Eight hours in a row, a dishwasher is a conveyor. And the frying pan and pots the car does not take – it means that you have a pot with boiling water, and launder all your hands.

If the athletes, as I then seemed to me, did not limit ourselves at all in the number of dishes and the number of changes, then the cook, preparing all this, obviously did not think about savings of pan, bowls and saucepan: just alone stained, taken for a new one, so in inaction we did not remain literally for a minute. In the morning, before the start of the shift, the devils undressed, stretched on a special jumpsuit – and by the end of the shift it could be squeezed, it was wet from sweat and heat park.

Salary of dishwashers, of course, is small. In the hands of the usual 8-hour shift, approximately 100 pounds went out a week, that is, 2.5 pounds per hour. Money was issued with a stunning punctuality, every Friday is almost a minute in a minute. Only then we found out that the restaurant at the club’s club is usually paying 5-6 pounds per hour – more than half of our earnings eaten an intermediary agency.

Together with us, one Lithuanian worked, a boyfriend of nineteen. He had a clear task – to accumulate to arrive his girlfriend and on their joint return home, in Kaunas. I do not think that he succeeds.

With all these meager salaries, a mandatory requirement for those who want to get a job of the dishwasher – the availability of a car. Public transport there will be exclusively underdeveloped – everyone goes on its own, and it is impossible to be late for the beginning of the shift in no case. Therefore, we threw off, they took one of one more dishth-Romanian and bought a used "Rover". So four and went, well, though, for gasoline, the restaurant compensated for us everything.

Is it possible to live on such money? It turns out, quite.

For the apartment we did not pay – the amount was deducted directly from the salary. The deduction seems to be small, and to pay, to be honest, it was especially not for that: modern hive, with cardboard walls, a kind of combined village house, two to three people in one cell.

The food also went out quite a bit – with the kitchen. In the golf club, our dinner was, I think, commensurate – if not in quality, then by volume – with "Swedish table" In that very London modest hotel, from where I left "on earnings". Whether there is something that remained on the plates after visitors? The question is incorrect.

In addition, to live helped the full impossibility for spending something. Immediately after the change in exhaustion, fall on the bed and cut off. The weekend was not, walking almost anywhere did not go, and when they got to local supermarkets, they showed the smelter there and quickly learned to save, and in large.

The fact is that with every large supermarket there is a kind of department, as we understood, for the poor – the real poor, who would otherwise threaten hunger – food in England, in general, expensive.

In such a department, everything is three or four times cheaper, and products there are not at all with an overdue shelf life or lower grade. Just they are for the poor. So we have fallen there to twitch.

But – an amazing thing: Having at first the perspective of steep economy – especially since no one looked at us there – gradually we, how to say it, began to be adequately taken in this department. Well, took the bean bank, something else, and for the rest, come back to the normal department, and in this, for the poor, let those who are worse than our.

Soon in the kitchen we became closely. We got the calculation in the golf club, drove "Rover" Lithuanza, returned to London and again adopted a pre-school readiness.

Since we treated the papillotov team – Motalka – the task remained in the UK before us did not stand. Moreover, recently it has become much more complicated. In principle, ask for asylum – on political, religious or even economic reasons – maybe anyone who entered the country, but in relation to ours, these requests are almost never satisfied. In addition, if earlier, waiting for the solutions to the authorities, such a petitioner could count on free housing and allowance, now these benefits are not provided to everyone, but to look for work that is permitted no earlier than 6 months.

We were in one such family frozen in standby mode. How do they come from the south of the CIS, managed to become applicants for receiving "Refuge", They did not particularly apply, however, it is known that the only effective way to raise this question is to prove that your life is threatening with your homeland. Obviously, we were just such lucky. In addition, the wording was not suitable for them "The law of the inverse force does not have – especially for those who do not honor the laws at all". I do not know what exactly threatened their life in Central Asia, but if everyone else "waiting" All the benefits and benefits have already been canceled, they all were decorated "old" law, and, taking your life on credit, all the benefits they spent on drinking and drugs.

These serene guys gave us another valuable phone – a construction company, gaining illegal.

We lived at this time in one of the most criminogenic and therefore, it is clear, cheaper areas of London. There is a famous prison, and white if they drive on the subway, then in no more than ten percent. Although somewhere on the outskirts of Peter or Moscow in the sense of the fight and robbery is not safer.

For a while we shot the room in one of the cheapest hotels: a common room for five people, where other Malayers stayed besides, trying to trade with old computers. There we only spent the night, and on the floors you could meet anyone: I remember the bearded Australians with unthinkable sizes with backpacks behind his back. They also dangled in Europe – and could not be called a more accurate goal of his journey.

As for our compatriots and ourselves, then, although formally, our visas were valid for six months, the time of one-time stay in the country was limited to ten days. We already went for the second month "illegal accidents", Therefore, we have avoided any contact with the police and authorities that it was, in general, it is not difficult: if you don’t commit anything illegal, you can not face representatives with representatives. Once in the hotel we have, however, asked for documents, but only to issue "Map guest" – The form of red books with the coat of arms of the non-existent state (I made a passport in the 94th year) I did not surprise anyone.

Did not surprise the British and much more. For example, a young man who came from the street is a very circumferential species, which is in bad English, but with great perseverance offered its services in the kitchen or cleaning the room. The fact is that by the middle of the summer, our St. Petersburg Trinity (I and Two Friends) broke up and our ways were separated. One went to K "Builders", the other – went to the agency that once sent us to the golf club, and I decided to look for work on my own.

Three days I was lying in the room and tensely thought: what I want to get in this stranger – and no matter how someone else’s country. Then he got up, went out on the street and went to the first restaurant. The owner did not deny that in a couple of days he is released by the place of dishwasher.

I was asked only how my name is.

I answered: "Paul" – and could start for his duties.

A small private restaurant, the owners – purebred English (which in London does not always go without saying). The only cook – blacks, and he has two white assistants under forty years and me – "Assistant on saucepan".

The wisdom of the decision is to get a job, including illegal, not through intermediaries, and directly – was confirmed right there: the new owner put me no longer 2.5, like in a golf club, and 3.5 pounds per hour. At the same time, the working day was for two hours shorter, only 6 hours. In addition, like all people, I had a weekend – Saturday and Sunday.

True, there was no dishwasher for the new owner, and everyone had to wash manually. After the crazy conveyor in the golf club it was much calmer, but it didn’t have to stand without. When I had a spin or fell off my hands, as a warmup – for the sake of change of poses and classes – I took a messenger bucket and went outside, to the container.

This clarification is often found in newspaper ads for employment and means a friendly atmosphere that the employer guarantees an employee as "Intangible asset", I have stuck this to benefits like a shortened working day on Fridays or right to free lunch. If in the golf club I was something like another node of the dishwasher, now I am no joke – I felt like a member of the team, I went with someone from the staff and generally went to work not only to earn, but also to communicate.

Yes, it was traveled – by bike. I bought it on the occasion of half the seller of stolen, but did not suffer from the remorse: in London, missing bicycles are not looking for, and when this shorten week later, a couple of weeks already stolen, I also waved my hand, as apparently, and the previous one owner. Bicycle transport, by the way, to say a very common means of movement in London – compared to at least Peter, not to mention Moscow.

But this restaurant is tired of me soon. However, the experience of employment, accumulated by this time, could not blame for nothing.

Having learned many nuances, I knew how tone to talk to the employer so that the good impression was about me, I knew what could save on me, and on nothing in any case, I finally knew how competently and clearly for others to say that I would like to get temporary work (on the day of arrival in England, my English was at the level of a simple Soviet school, that is, no) – I knew and much more. For example, that if today you have a decisive tone that there are no jobs and in the next six months there will not be, then this does not mean that, come here tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, you will not get anything better than what I had still. That’s why I was not too surprised when ending with Found Myself (found himself) in the lobby of that very tourist hotel, from which he fled half a year ago "to the country".

As it turned out, in this huge three-star hotel almost all the staff – excluding, maybe bartenders – was "illegal": Ukrainians, Lithuanians, Poles. "White people" – Tourists – this is not noticed, as I did not notice my guest and I. Yes, and how to notice if the whole service is european, it works, without recessing with your presence, quickly, neatly and in those hours when tourists went for lunch or on a tour.

As far as I understood, the hotel owners have been installed close contacts with the very Employment Agency "illegal immigrants", through which came to work and I. I would venture to assume that the ability to use cheap labor – what no doubt is "illegals" Compared, for example, with the same Englishmen – the administration of the hotel did not leave the police without gratitude or some other controlling service. The first check from the point of view of the legality of the unregistered labor of foreigners would take away the staff of the hotel for two thirds, providing guests and administration themselves. But no one checked us and did not save.

Perhaps because in English rules it was believed that the law was violated only the illegal "Labor Migrant", For which it can be punished, putting in prison, fined and reproach from the country. The subjects of Her Majesty, hiring to work – not without the benefit for themselves – illegal migrant workers, was not to blame. (The law on the inadmissibility of the use of foreign labor force, which has no official permission to work, was adopted only on January 27 of this year. – Red.)

For the first three days I worked as an assistant to House Kipper – that is, I was somehow an ordinary maid, but male. The official duties of this independent regular unit include different minor, but the necessary little things requiring a small physical force. Well, let’s say, change the string in the bathroom in the bathroom, on which the shower curtain is stretched, bring an extra bed, understand why suddenly the latch is stopped on the window (all rooms were equipped with air conditioners).

The rest of the time free from these – rather rare – misfortune I had to sit at the local phone, to accept complaints and claims from guests and transfer the challenge to the appropriate craftsmen: plumbers, electricians, joiners. The hotel was big and old, so the applications were enough.

Then I raised me. I began to wear clean linens from the utility room, where it is stored after the laundry room to a special room on each of the 12 floors of the hotel, and the maids were delivered by numbers. The subsidiary was located in the basement, and the service elevator in our hotel was in the hotel if there was nothing about it, so it was not known, so a pretty bulky and heavy four-wheeled cart with linen -"Trolli" – I had to raise each of the floors and to join the right room so as not to concern any of the guests.

After multi-month sweaty work "in smoke and flame" – in the kitchen, in the noise of the plots and knives, in the hissing of water, steam and clouds are not too pleasant smells – walks in clean service clothes for quiet, clean floors, elited by carpet, gave me a clear pleasure, although they were paid, of course, several lower than washing dishes.

But fed here better. With some stretch, my free lunch could be equated to what had ordinary guests.

First of time we are all, of course, were afraid: and suddenly at the end of the labor week we will be taken and will not pay? There is no place to complain, it will remain worse – and all.

No, we were never deceived, and I don’t even know why. That is, with our "Novorusskaya" point of view, not to throw us in such a situation was just stupid. Well, at least in the last week, when it is already clear that you are going to leave, and when another worker found on your place.

In the rustling of revelation and the desire to Improve My English (practice, to put in your English), I somehow shared these concerns with my wife of one of my employers. She pursed his lips, as if I was surprised, for example, why she did not drank me with a knife at the end of the shift, and says: "Here you, Mr., not Russia". It became immediately and pleasant, and it’s a shame – how often happens when you have to talk in Europe, where are you from.

"Kidali", It happened, our ours themselves. And it is at the end of the shift. The owners, writing our exotic names for them, did not bother themselves: what Alexander, that Alexey is all one for them, they write "Alex". Well, here I received one cunning Alexey’s treadmill, which, who also looked two shifts without days off, to accumulate to the apartment in Kharkov. Lesha rushed to seek Sasha, yes he was already dissolved – the benefit of everyone "illegal immigrants" and moths with experience is already in the blood.

Already in Russia, in St. Petersburg, many shrugged. "You, with higher education, a prestigious specialty, went to the conservatory, and the British served the servants – did not start?"

I will say one thing: our "illegal immigrants" in Britain a lot – in any case, meet them in "Princess" places no problem is. And more and more they begin to perform the work that we in Russia are not the fact that the illegal alien would not have trusted, but they would have checked up one hundred times.

One of my local buddy from Murmansk worked in a four-star coherer windows, and once it is asked to wipe everything better, so to speak, with addiction. He, it is clear, offended: I, they say, and so I try, there was no comments – what are you suddenly? And he explains that tomorrow it should come here to some meeting in the conference hall Margaret Thatcher. And the next day, notice him, none of the hotel expelled, although the administration was about him only the fact that his name is Oleg and he from Russia.

It is clear that, returning to Russia, former "British" Try not to lose communication, therefore – another evidence. Returning to Peter, another friend who spent two and a half years in London and completed his career with work already in a five-star hotel, where I personally saw Mick Jagger, I noticed that although five stars, it is, of course, great, but he personally prefers four, because servicehouse there you can walk with an earring in the ear and not necessarily "merge", Also at the end of the corridor.

Could you catch us? Easy to. But for some reason they did not catch. England, no matter how strictly it is born its laws, can not too zealously prevent the entry of cheap labor, especially since the illegallas closes those jobs to which the normal Englishman will never claim.

But if you still find it – they can send to Russia by the plane, not even allowing to go to the hotel or apartment for things. Such cases are extremely rare – therefore, probably, they are remembered and even become something like a legend.

Among our in London there is a story about some Georgian, who lived for some time in Estonia, and then flew to London and began to ask for political asylum there. He was denied. The question arose where to send it. He argued that he is our, although he spoke in our with the poles. English linguists from the migration service beat three days, trying to understand who he really is. Finally, he was sent to Moscow through Prague, and only there was a person – a our pilot who identified him as Georgian. After the British "Eyes opened" To whom they deal with, they returned this Georgian from Prague to London, where he, by rumors, is waiting for a charter flight from London to Tbilisi.

In general, migration services are even sorry. With which only they do not face!

There was one our, who, on the contrary, affected Georgian – perhaps he knew the above story – and hoped that the migration authorities would not have enough strength and means to send him to Georgia.

This man exactly a year and a half sought asylum. Finally achieved. But on the way, for a new cherished document, there was enough unnecessary in some bar – and in the subway on joy began to care for some kind of English. She regarded it as robe and stated to the police. His quickly found and instead of a new passport gave several months of prison plus immediate expulsion from the country.

He chose the second – and here it was called Georgian. He spoke at the same time only in English, no word in our, so that he did not guessed that he was from Moscow. And in Georgian he did not know anything except "Rkaziteli".

The view that getting to work in Britain is illegal or semi-legal way much more easily than to do the same officially – not artistic fiction, but a fact. But if you have money, solve this problem once and forever can otherwise. A fictitious marriage stands for our on the islands from 5 to 7 thousand pounds sterling, after which the only one would care for the need for a year to live under one roof with your formal wife – the subject of the kingdom, or at least have the same phone number with it – In case of possible inspections of the authenticity of your relationship. Such checks are not excluded at all and are responsible for a special municipal service, following mixed marriages.

But I was marrying anything – even in the Englishman – and I began to think about how it was time to get on the way back. Many times many people confidently explained to me that with which there will be no problems with returning to Russia. The British will only be posed that you finally leave their country, and say thanks.

In general, there are many ways to get from London to Moscow: through Prague, Warsaw, Berlin, Amsterdam, on the tunnel to France, and then by train "Paris – Moscow". But I decided to act directly – by plane. It turned out more expensive in all respects.

When at the airport of Heathrow when checking documents, the border guard saw that my visa was overdue at least twice, he carefully asked, and what I did all this time in the United Kingdom? I honestly answered that I studied the language.

I liked the Anglican response, but they for some reason asked me to show some cum, testimony or at least a bill for the payment of lessons – they needed a documentary confirmation that I really studied.

I missed: they say, the language is best to study the immersion method – communicating on the streets, traveling around the country, getting acquainted with the locals.

Smiles gone with their faces. They frowned, began to rhetorically ask: "What do we now have to do with you?" and clearly annoyed that they decided to show a service zeal – how to get rid of me? Then one turned away, and the other waved his hand towards the flight field: "Pass!".

And in Moscow it was even easier. The customs officer automatically asked if there is a skin – although from London’s shuttle, the skin is usually not lucky – and many new things have many things. Such did not turn out, and I was missed my homeland.