How? You were not on Tahiti?!

And on the island of Bora Bora? And on the island of Moorea? And on the Atoll Mania. Oh no no no! Still not?! Well, how are you so. What do you say? That it is too far, too long, too expensive and in general and here are nicely fed? But, in fact, it is impossible to be so unloved to at least once not to look at the other side of the earth. You are free people, and not some prodigal parrots who do not see anything further than their genetically wrong nose!

If the globe is flashing through and macaw, then the needle, going to his round body in Moscow, will be released just somewhere in the area of ​​French Polynesia Islands. You just imagine: 5 archipelago, 35 islands, 83 atolls scattered by the Pacific Ocean. They’re called "Tahiti and her islands". Exactly "her". Tahiti, of course, woman. So, there at night in the sky too stars, but there is no big bear. Instead of her southern cross.

You just imagine: coral atolls – how huge bagels. Outside the water, inside the water, and airplanes are sitting on the bagel, people live on a bubble, and tourists hang in hammocks, sipping from a coconut through a straw water. There on paths running the grave crabs – very promptly, like hedgehogs, and always across. Along they do not know how to run: they have a claws so arranged.

You just imagine: You live in bungalow from bamboo and palm, but with all amenities, plumbing from Villeroy & Boch, Puzzled Bath with Gold Crane, Eight Towels, and All this bamboo splendor is in the lagoon, above the water, and called Bora Bora Pearl Beach Hotel.

At sunset, you are sitting on the balcony, chatting in the Pacific Ocean and, rigged fishes, see how the sky becomes the ocean, and the ocean – heaven. Then you are climbing the bungalow, turn on your own light bulb at the bottom of the lagoon (the floor in the places you have too glass), open champagne and offering fish a piece of bread for your health. Then you sleep, and under you the ocean flies. Moscow fatigue decreases with each splash, erased from the nervous system of climbs of stress. As if the nervous system is sand, and fatigue is just a bad drawing on it. (However, perhaps everything is actually.)

You just imagine: And in the morning, breakfast sails to you on the cake, all in colors, crispy buns, fragrant coffee, sweet and fur-smelling pineapples. And a chocolate color woman in a starchy front stretches all this to you with the words: "Bonju-UR". Nothing like on our side of the globe. I checked.

As for the distances, it is all far and anyone is not cheap: 9436 km to Tokyo, 6591 km to Los Angeles, 15,714 km to Paris and 18,722 km to Milan. However, in multi-storey "Boeing", who are launched every day in FAAA, Tahiti International Airport, there is no free space. The French drive Gurba – well, this is understandable, the islands of Bora-Bora and Moorea for them seems to be a cottage, although somewhat distant. Americans also fly by flocks, although they have Miami free access. Why, is asked? "Oh, – they say – such diving, as in Mania, there is no anywhere in the world!" Italians are fun to justify: "We say: ‘Tahiti is a paradise in which even sinners will be allowed. We think, then most likely we will not wish for paradise, you need to have time". And the Japanese, too, here are the strange people, they have a vacation only two weeks a year, so they spend two days on the road to Tahiti. They say that scary love to feed from the hands of fish. As if the fish here without the Japanese literally die from hunger. In my opinion, they are chitryat, and not at all the fish nourishes them to the shores of the Islands of the French Polyesia, but the ability to buy here the famous black pearls. Black pearl earrings. No, better ring. No, better beads. And earrings and ring. From a Japanese point of view, the black pearls on Tahiti tourists almost give – only 10,000 US dollars, and you are hung with pearls like the biggest oyster.

. Just imagine: tourists right at the airport put on the neck of the garland from Tiare. To each! Tiare Tahiti – Taitian Gardenia – Main Flower of Polynesia. Obviously: you’re already in paradise. And how much did it get to paradise, how much paid for a ticket, it does not matter.

Tiare wearing skills for ears

Captain Cook and Captain Bad Aborigines also met Tiare. Mahalii from the cake, threw on the deck "Bounty". Jack London wore the crown from Tiare. And Paul Gaugugen, and Somerset Moem, and Pierce Brosnan, and Jack Nicholson. This is not surprising: Tiare is delighted all tourists. Surprisingly, despite this, they are still worn and residents of Tahiti. When you see it, then you know: you do not get out of my nose here, do not hang on the ears of exotic, with you really share life. True, all sorts of subtleties begin, the Europeans is not fully understood. Why, for example, men in the ear wear mostly bud, and women – open flower? And therefore it turns out that so accepted. Buton is something brutal, flower – feminine and gentle. If a pregnant taitsaka sees in a dream, that breaks with a tiare flower, it means that she has a girl. And if bud, then, on the contrary, boy. And if not in a dream, and in reality a man walks around the city with a blossomed flower behind the ear, it brings to the appropriate reflections. So in order to avoid any kind of ambiguities, check, at what stage of disclosure is tiare, which you decided to decorate your ear.

Tiare can tell something about your temperament and marital status. If you, for example, wear it behind the right ear, then you are alone and ready for adventure. If for the left – is married or engaged, and all coquetry is inappropriate. And if you have a flower on both ears for both ears, it means that you are married and despite this are ready for any adventure. Finally, Tiare’s flower in the hair of a young girl hints to all interested parties that this girl ripened. And if she is good, it is better not to hide, but to ask her to start some international nonsense. For example, "Girl who is an hour?"

By the way, until the missionaries have introduced the aborigines with the dial and arrows, they learned the time on Tiare flowers: the buds are revealed between the twelve and two hours of afternoon. And more accurate time it was still for nothing.

Brief course of the old ancient Polynesian

. And now they use the Internet and are explained at least in two languages, and the maximum is not limited. Here, for example, the Zander Foster, who has a grandfather was American, and therefore Sandra – Foster. She knows four languages, including the Japanese, lived in Japan for a whole year and there is Merzla. ("But there is not cold, Sandra!" – "It’s somehow".)

So, Sandra Foster on the island of Bora Bora (this is the same archipelago as Tahiti, 40 minutes by plane from FAAA airport) takes tourists on the ship to feed in good sharks fish. The boat is called Teremoava – Polynesian "Blike on water". The rest of the team – Polynesian Warren Tiahuseur, Polynesian Eria Tehira and the French Girl Marie, who came here five weeks ago, but fell in love with Warren Tiahuseur. Or in Eria Teheeir? I never understood, who of them who, in my opinion, can be in love with both of them. In addition to sharks (they take fish from hand politely and neatly, almost as gentle, like horses take sugar), the excursion includes inspection of a coral garden and a picnic on one of the tiny islands that are called "Moto". (All French Polynesia Islands in the past volcanoes. "Moto", which they are surrounded – it is a spoolen once the formidable eruptions, now – idyllic sushi pieces with palm trees and other violent vegetation.) On one of these "Moto" Telemoava team offers tourist stomach McDonalds in Borbor’s. And it should be noted, this is not some kind of Fast Food, which is eaten in a minute, but digested after a year, is a refined lunch, luxuriously served on palm leaves. In the Fish menu, just cooked on fire, several grades of breadwinner (to taste something average between bread, banana and fried chestnut) and what is called here "Potato", Although to the potatoes, in my opinion, has the same attitude as to the beet. In addition, the famous local salad from raw fish with carrots, powdered by Lyme juice and coconut milk, compared to which any big-poppy looks like a chewing elastic. On sweet pineapples, watermelons, mango and "PO" – puree from coconuts and pineapples. Instead of plates – palm leaves, and instead of napkins – the leaves of a tree purhur, the colors of which (large, passionate) change their color depending on the time of day. Before noon they are yellow, afternoon – red. From his leaves, explains Sandra, before the plates also did. And the opposite side, slightly rough, used as toilet paper. Talking about this multifunction tree, Sandra says "SHE". It’s not a mistake. She has free English. But the trees for her – alive.

After Lunch, everyone is invited to pass a brief course of the young ancient resident of Polynesia. For example, learn how to cut the coconut correctly. It used to be like this: out of the coconut fibers of Napty, in the laptops went along the bottom of the ocean, so as not to damage the legs about the corals and marine heroes. In addition, fibers Zhgli to drive mosquitoes. Coffee saws from the coconut shell, they were used as a bra.

While Eria Tehiir informs tourists this information, Warren Tiahuseu River Shaggy Coconut Teeth. It takes about five minutes. Then stuck, but fun tourists for half an hour try to split coconut sharpened wooden spear. Clearly, unsuccessfully.

Then follows the lesson of dancing under the direction of Sandra. Polynesian dances are quintessence of life. Women rotate hips and express a passion, men knock knees and express strength. First need to love, second – fear. So I decided Nature. But it turns out that most European women in their civilized turmoil forgot, for which their hips were originally intended. They think the thigh is what they sit on. Or – what you need to urgently lead to the 44th size. Women are embarrassed giggling, but the hips quickly remember what. They come to life in front of the eyes rotate and tremble. As if them were never taught to behave decently.

The task of the artists of the male party enters a threatening impression on the enemy, without resorting to the help of a handle with a golden pen and a careless recalculation of cash in a wallet.

It is required, making up the heels together, move their knees – to dilute them to the sides – to move again, and so, shifting, spreading, make a few pocket jumps and publish warrior cry. And solid citizens with shifted heels jumping sideways and publish clichies. After that, the spectacle is all the tricks of Jim Kerry seem completely not funny. And Sandra Foster, Eria Tehira, Warren Tiahuseur and Marie laugh like children or as tourists, that, in essence, almost the same.

Although it is for tourists – show, and for them – routine work. You just think about: Every day a hundred tourists, one hundred hunters for exotic, and every hunter wishes to know where the Pheasant is sitting, how the pareo is tied and why local sharks do not eat people. And every day I explain that sharks here are friendly, such a kind, kind shark is generally more than evil. And every day RVI teeth coconuts. After all, this is a judge longing, hacktur, as for any Crimean Labukhov concert in a restaurant in the midst of the season. And these guys indulge with delight. And in the air smells not by Halturoy, but joy.

Tane and Vahine is "Man" and "female" in Tahiti. If you decide to get married to Tahiti, you will come in handy knowledge of these words. And weddings – one of the main tourist entertainment on the islands. They are extremely romantic and completely illegal – in the sense that the marriage testimony, written on the Korea Palm, will not convince the lawyers to divide when divorced your shared car to two isometric parts. But this is a jurisprudence, and I am about love. You just imagine: five caring tahiti dresses the bride in all the laws of the ancient Polynesian marriage fashion. Flowers, incense, tattoo (instant), all as it should be. Take her under the white handle under the canopy. The groom swears, a clear case, on the cake, is also in the parade-sided dressing, combed and shaved. Row aborigines. Boy drums. Bridesmaid girlfriends, one more picturesque, in bras from coconut shell, keep the dowry. The leader of the tribe says in a completely incomprehensible, but terribly gentle Polynesian language and in the end clearly pronounces "Amen!" (Missionaries still not in vain in the XIX century tried). Then mutual yes, i do, exchange rings, fresh kiss, champagne "House Perignon" from coconut walnut and on the sand, eliminated by palm branches and almy orchids – on the cake and in the wedding trip to the uninhabited island. Or, if desired, immediately in the bungalow for newlyweds, where everything is necessary, including a refrigerator and a TV with 30 channels.

This marriage attraction introduced French Olivier Brick to the tourist program, in the past dancer and choreographer in "Lido" and "Moulin rouge", Arriving somehow on Moorea Island and discovered a nonpauger Niva for business here. He entered the culture and customs of Polynesians, realized that they were about to disappear, and they rushed to save them (with a lot for her material advantage). He came up with Tiki Village – something average between the reserve of ancient morals and the tourist village. Built here the real ancient bungalows. Prayed them with a local creative intelligentsia that has not yet designed to dance the dancing of fire, do the exquisite tattoo, cut out of the tree figurine of the local holy teak and proudly carry loose dressings. Introduced into the official duties of local boys (everything as one with a tarzana complex) to walk on Tiki Village, shining muscular buttocks, and the girls (they are also not too dressed) obliged to show hospitality to tourists. Twice a day, during the lunch and dinner, in Tiki Village give performances – the brilliantly supplied Polynesian dancing. And on demand arrange weddings. In particular, it was combined with a marriage with the legitimate wife and mother of his four children Liza Dustin Hoffman, about which there is a documentary confirmation in the form of a set of journal publications. Now Tahitian Wedding offer its customers all hotels. In one of them somehow married Mickey Rourke, in the other – Jack Nicholson.

By the way, the Polynesians themselves to family and marriage issues are terribly tremble and crowned, as they taught their missionaries, in Catholic churches. But, they say, the ancient rituals are in fashion. Because there are one very seductive illusion. I’m thinking: If you walk with my husband on palm branches and red orchids on the sand, maybe the entire subsequent joint way will be eliminated by something as picturesque? And if you give yourself to the tenth anniversary of the wedding of the Wedding in Taitian, whether it will not strengthen the event without that steady marriage. And it’s not by chance that the newlyweds come from all the land: here is such a blue dawn, here such beauty sunsets, here such a height of palm trees and such sweetness of pineapples – here any month at any time of the year is very similar to honey.

And nowhere else has such a big, such black and such a perfect pearl, as in Tahiti and its islands.

He is insanely beautiful. And insanely roads. Tourists carry on Pearl Farms – Pearl plantations, explain in detail why even a small round peas costs about $ 200, how not to run into a fake pearl and how to store this, so that in it in two hundred years it could have been squeaking your rightmark. In short, then the matter is: only here, in the lagoons at the Islands of the French Polyesia, there are unique oysters named Margarita, who have black in Taurus, and not a dairy-gray-white. For food and snacks to guilt, it is not suitable, but it is perfectly coping with the task to give the usual white pearl shade that car manufacturers call "Color of wet asphalt". Japanese, of course, tried to breed such oysters. Australians too. But nothing came out: it turned out, these margaritas are terrible patriots, and in other seas they do not live.

Some more 50 years ago a black pearl grown in the lagoon arbitrarily. That is, it could grow, and could not – depending on whether the wave of a happy sandbank was listed in the oyster, which was to become a treasure. But then on Tahiti, one Chinese named Robert Wang arrived and put this thing on the flow: in each suitable Margarita began to gently put a white pearl nucleolus, watching his transformations, to provide him with unhindered access to the Black Taurus. And so for 6-8 years. Of course, this is a manual, painstaking and hard work. Of course, at first, Robert Vanu seemed to not cope with the careless Polynesians. Of course, he tried that his compatriots be hung up with oysters, much more perky. And of course, he is fabulously rich. Now this process is headed by his son, Bruno van. In Papeete, the capital of Tahiti, there is a black pearl museum, where Bruno can sometimes meet. He walks in moccasins on a boss foot and nothing gives out that he is a multi-billioner.

And as for the hardworking of the inhabitants of Polynesia, then do not think that they are lazy. They simply. how to explain it? Well, for example, such a story: people from other islands often work on Tahiti – after all, the capital there, life boils and the work itself finds you. But away from home they are terribly missing the aunts, grandmothers and grandchildren. And therefore can make "fiou" – that is, just disappear for a week from the workplace, without saying anything to anyone. Employers are aware of this national characteristics and even reconciled with it: a person is not shooting and not dismissed, but they say that he "fiou", Scheduled at home that is, and will soon come back, meek and peaceful. Fight this local "fiou" Useless – then you need to leave here. And you do not want to leave from here. No one leaves. Paul Gajen is far from the only European, which discovered that Tahiti is a paradise on earth, where it is difficult to get, and it’s still more difficult to go, everything in you resists such a turn of events. There is no shortage of young people as on other outskirts of the earth, there is no brutal struggle for survival (not to fight with whom, and climatic conditions are as gentle as people), there is no desire to live ahead and concentrately, saving salary to go somewhere on the islands (you and so for them are), there is no need to squeeze teeth and fists. Therefore, people from Europe, people from Japan, people from China and people from America often remain here forever, gradually forgetting that there is on the ground of the sigh and exhausting the body of the harness.

Some at first fall in love with these islands, and then find a husband or wife with a local registration. Some act in another sequence – first fall in love with a woman. Local women strongly contribute to in love with them. And it’s not even that they are beautiful, although they are beautiful and very convex – they have convex lips, bulging breasts, convex hips and convex cheeks, especially when they smile, but they smile almost always. The fact is that women on Tahiti and all her islands are meek and fun. This rare combination of qualities is almost not found in Europe, Japan and America. And children from such marriages are excellent: a thick local blood wins European, but European reports sophistication to persons. And in the evenings, beautiful children run on the Embankment of Papeete, ride on folding cats. (Scooters have come here.)

In general, Papeete is already very similar to the European City. Day – working concern, picturesque market, the most recent models. In the evening – dance shows, nightclubs and lights. It is impossible to imagine that only 100 years ago, there are nearby, in the Marquis archipelago, ate the last person – not from evil, but from good motives. Apparently, the king of the tribe wanted to recover or wisely, and for this there was no better medicine, as the corresponding parts of the body of the In Semes. By the way, Marae Titiroa was preserved on Maraa – sacrificent, where sacrifices and other great cases. This is a large platform in the rainforest, fenced with stones. In the center – throne, two basalt boulders to support the back, and more than any architectural excesses. The king rose on the throne, the tribe was crowded on the sides. On the contrary, the action was unfolded. For particularly important cases, two handsome were chosen, each of whom fought for the right to be sacrificed. And that’s what’s interesting: the winner was killed, and the defeated was released. True, his duties from now on there was a concern for the family of its eaten winner. And in fact, not to put off the god of all kinds of weak!