How I bought a car

Through the squealing of the brakes and grinds the iron I heard her last sigh. Everything, thought flashed, you will have to buy a new car. Wrapped at the fruitless physiognomy of the soldier behind the wheel of Kamaz, I realized that money on her purchase would have to seek the most.

Peugeot-305 was an old but faithful girlfriend. Her fleshing was the soul returned for two weeks into a disheveled body and honestly served this deadline. The damage was so strong that my inaccessible friends called it at this time "Bedroom". Having granted his courage, I fled her 98th gasoline.

Here just and turned up Halturka in Germany. Using for the future fee, spit on the process with the Machchet’s autobare, threw and decided to buy a car in Germany. And on it to return to Moscow, saving on the ticket.

What to describe flour selection? Not speaking in German, without understanding the cars and having habits to do on your own purchases more expensive than a hundred dollars, I slept badly and nervously worked for the first week. 3.5 stamps for each trip by bus to Berlin made me take yourself in hand and spend money on "Zweite Hand" – newspaper, where the ads are printed for the sale of used things. V "Comely hold" Easy to navigate. Cars Section Separates on Celebrations at Prices. I viewed sections from 6.000 DM and below. And understood literally every word without a dictionary. Brand car. Year of issue. Horsepower. Mileage. Colour. Price. Two evenings I enveloped with a red pencil suitable options. Then I found a German buddy and made him call all potential sellers.

– Hello, – he started, – Meine Name IST Lennart, – and then it did not clearly imagined my interests. Impossibility to estimate his ability to bargain me nervously. Then I found out that he did not have time to roll with me on Berlin and the surrounding area and choose the best possible. In addition to the fact that I had time to cut, independent trips for me did not imagine interest. Sellers from hand spoke except German only in Turkish, Polish and Czech and did not cause special confidence.

I went to another way. Sitting on a bicycle, came the surrounding garages with a reasonable statement: First, hello, secondly, my name is so, in the third, I have the amount in so many German brands and I wish you the best for this money that you You can offer, and fourthly, I carry this car to Moscow.

The method was successful, and I did without a translator, considering that everything I needed. I understood that the cunning sellers specifically showed me cars, knowingly for several hundred, and even thousands of brands above the amount called me, reasonably believing that if a car would like a car, then the missing money he sisters. I beat them with the same technique, naively asking what Gerr really gives me this expensive car for my little money? Germans confused bargain. Most often I was responsible for not, this car costs as much as it is written on it, but still let Frau pay attention to her extraordinary advantages. So I looked around with a dozen Volkswagenov, Mercedes, VMW, Mitsubishi and other. Nobody loved me at first sight. I mentally tolerated this shining luxury to my Moscow street and imagined how I would look at her window at night. Night. The picture presented badly.

At one party, I got a progressively thinking German acquaintance, who took to show me the best garages in the district. During the inspection, he explained to me that immoral spending big money to buy a car that is not luxury, but just a means of movement. This theory found a response in my soul, and I doubled the scheduled amount. In the company with him, I reported to the garages about the intention to spend on a car no more than three thousand German brands. Now I have shown the means of movement, which would be quite organically looked in my street and did not cause desires from the neighbors to scratch the nail on their side a short our word, but called for doubt about the opportunity for them to reach this very street.

Finally, my German found the perfect embodiment of his theory, similar to Big Zaporozhets with a German facial expression. He was called Vartburg. He insulted my aesthetic feeling. Otherwise, satisfying all the requirements for progressively thinking person to the transport facility. He was almost new – 92nd. He passed everything – 17.000 kilometers. And gave it practically for nothing – for one and a half thousand DM. The German fledged a nightingale: what makes capitalism with people – almost throw such a beautiful car in which a lot of labor and iron is invested, only for what it is made in East Germany! He always runs forward, and nothing happens to him. This is not a toy for a whole condition – with a gesture to the side of more elegant neighbors. The last trump card somewhat contradicted his theories about the equality of two Germany: he said that from the 90th year, the Volkswagen motor put the engine in the Wartburg, that is, absolutely nothing to fear.

And yet I could not decide to give at least any, no matter how cool, western brands for this oriental functional mock. I promised to think. I thought over the night and the next day, I even called Moscow – everyone was discarded me from this step. A day later I took one and a half thousand and trying to think only about the motor Volkswagen, went to the garage.

God probably did not want my shame. Wartburg was not in place. I switched to the road and headed for Honda Autohaus Geltow (Honda Autohaus Geltow, Tel. (033) 27/59920) with their duty text. The garageist listened carefully and asked me a few, in my opinion, premature questions. He asked what documents are needed to export a car to Moscow? How fast can I take it and how many days I need insurance? And who takes? I answered with dignity that the main thing is to choose a car, and I’ll take care of the design.

– Uh, – said the German, – there is a car. – And repeated the questions.

– Let me take a look, – I interrupted.

– Well, since you insist.

He took me past the sparkling Honda with six-digit numbers on the price tags to the distant corner of the garage and summed up to my car. It was the price of 4.300.

– Three hundred, – without waiting for questions, said the garageist, – I will come down.

I didn’t even remember that I asked the best for 3.000. Fixed on Wartburg One and a half thousand brands moved away the garage in the form of a collateral, and I became the owner of the cherry opera-cadet of the 87th year of release, with a diesel engine of 1.6 cubes, mileage 150.000 kilometers, two-door, but quite spacious, and conviction that this is my ticket in this lottery, not necessarily happy, but what is. After this procedure, the garageist called his worker and asked to show me my car from the inside. From the inside Opel liked me even more than outside. His engine was cleaner than the body, and the salon reminded the decoration of the elderly, but very solid German functionar – not new, not fashionable, but excellent quality. I asked to ride around the garage.

– Today is not: the battery is removed from the car.

The next day I brought the rest of the brands in the beak and drove two circles in the yard. In Opel, something gykalo, and I told about it.

They, damn, began to understand my German worse. Diesel motor louder than gasoline, explained to me. I did not find German words to object. Immediately after that I began to think that I was inflated. I did not ask how much they would take for registration, and stated that I decide everything myself. I was ordered to drive off the bus from Keltov in Potsdam, insure the car, buy transit numbers and return to it.

Insurance company was well acquainted with the procedure for making cars for export to Russia. I was not even asked for how long I wish her insure. When I found out through the translator that for two weeks, I objected.

– This is the minimum time, – the maiden told the girl.

– But I need more than two weeks, I have not leaving. This is possible?

– Possible but it will cost more.

It turned out that not even twice. Two-week insurance of my car would cost 150 DM, and monthly – 210. And I can ride the car at least from tomorrow, without thinking what will happen if you fail to leave until the end of the insurance.

– But I have already started to make up for two weeks.

Translator did not want to argue. I had to explain gestures that I appreciate my two-week calmness than its minute trouble. She converted.

With transit numbers. Defending the queue (not deadly, but also not a ten-minute) I learned that the machines for exports are put in the police to present. At the same time, they only work until lunch, and today Friday, and I, most likely, I will not have time.

I voted on the highway and managed. Although in the garage were clearly unhappy with the rush. At first I was informed that they only have one pair of trial numbers, now they are busy and until lunch is hardly released. The manager who sold me Opel, caught a more profitable client, and he was not up to me. I once again made sure that the opinion on the impeccability of the Western service is somewhat exaggerated, and regretted that he paid the whole amount before decorated. I got up on his way and once again explained that I really need. He suggested that I take the risk, and go to Potsdam without numbers. I expressed the willingness to go immediately. Then it turned out that the battery that was removed is not yet charged. I demanded another battery. I realized that it would not be possible to get out of me, the manager clicked mechanics and told him to go with me. Surprisingly, but the rooms were immediately found.

The police opened the hood, the body number with a vehicle (for security purposes) and sold me transit numbers. Actually, the rooms cost another 57 DM, and a renewed supasport in 100 with a small.

I returned to the garage to bargain about the battery. It was not possible to reveal a new one, and we agreed that the car would remain in the garage for a day, the battery charges, and for the delay the car will repel again.

In the end, I climbed my shop from the garage, wrapped it with friends right on the hood, for two weekends traveled the entire district, drove into the Berlin to the market, but it was not able to get used to a strange rope somewhere in the front wheels.

A few days later I brought the French friend and turned his attention to this strange sound.

He listened, asked to turn cool and said: Yu, it’s a cardan, goodbye, she will get up in the near future. It is very dangerous. Rent it back to the garage.

Easy to say. First, I’m already accustomed to her, and secondly, who will take it. Still, I went to the garage accompanied by the Western German. The whole garage listened to a strange gambling and expressed different assumptions. They agreed to take the car to inspect. I called back and turned out that this is exactly what my French buddy said. In our it is called Sls. And it must be changed. But the garage doubts that they sold me a car with this defect, they tend to assume that I broke it myself.

Families said that this is nonsense, herself to break the Sls I could not, all the more so quickly, and I should insist to give the garage. But no one wanted to negotiate German. Finally, one called the garageist and talked about something, on my hearing, not so categorically, as I would do it myself. Then, sticking the tube with hand, happily informed me that the garage is ready to share the costs in half, goes?

What could I do? I asked how great expenses. Five hundred marks. The garage will take work, and my business is paid for the item. I agreed, although I understood that the price of the details is the thing is indisputable, and they can evaluate work, as they will come to mind.

Already later, when I paid for everything, I was shown the our mechanic in the next village, which could make this work together with the detail for one hundred stamps.

The car asked my existence in Germany that I completely forgot about the need to depart. When I finally decided to order a ticket for a ferry, it turned out that only first class tickets remained and at all at the wrong number to which I need. I had a belief based mostly on rumors that ride through Poland and Belarus is hard and unsafe. Therefore, I got sort of strength I wanted to ferry in Helsinki. But to the number for which the tickets were, I did not have time to get a Finnish visa. I began to study cards in a panic. Everything went worse and more expensive. Refusing to recognize the obvious, I continued to hope for those unknown to me ways and ran to the Polish travel bureau. Cute Elderly Pani Calculated All Options: Berlin – Gdansk, there Parom Gdansk – Stockholm, from Stockholm Steam Stockholm – Tallinn. Further by your foot. More expensive than my favorite travered route – Helsinki. There is another route: Lubeck – Malmo, from there with its own pass to Stockholm, from Stockholm by Steam to Helsinki, then – by its own. But Tickets for this route must be ordered in the Swedish Travel Agency. And, no matter how cool, get a Swedish visa.

In the Swedish Agency Schwedisches Reiser (Kurfurstendamm 71 10711 Berlin, Tel. (030) 32 76 11 13, Fax (030) 32 76 11 90) Rechanged to me with a big sympathy, I was looking for a long time in all computers the Woven ticket of Tramenyunde – Helsinki, but did not find it. But the passages: Lubeck – Malmo, Stockholm – Helsinki promised to book from Berlin to be sure that I would not have a pleasant week in Sweden waiting for the ferry. It cost me this pleasure in 350 DM. We all strongly reversed, and now I found out that the same tickets could have been cheaper than almost twice, if you do it in Moscow, in the travel bureau "Norvista", where they do not take a car markup (Moscow, Spiridonievsky per., 5, square. 5; (095) 290 6683, 203 6539).

Finnish visa cost in Berlin 37 DM and was done two days, and the Swedish is slightly more expensive, but on the day of filing. There were no people in the Swedish consulate, but the employee was extremely dried, in Finnish – a large crowd of my fellow citizens, and the consular lady – smiling and calmness. In the queue, everyone shared plans. Most our motorists, as I learned, drive cars on Fu-Fu, that is, drive up to the sailing of the ferry and download free space. Most often manage to boot, but sometimes you have to spend the night in the port. I also learned that both by such, in general, a safe way is preferred after all, moving around with groups. And although I once had done such a way alone, I was concerned about. I met a company of briefly short-lived wellms from Podolsk and asked to join them. Well done happily accepted me to the company. We appointed a date in Lübeck, and if you warm up, in Malmo. Is it worth saying that there were no more glorious silent in his life.

On the appointed day, having calculated the time of the road so as not to drive, I convulsively finished all my theatrical affairs, made the necessary and extra purchases, I said goodbye to colleagues and left Potsdam in Lubeck. The road was to stay straight, it was difficult to get down from the way, after a week of dog cold cold, the day was a sunny and hot, the engine rode myself and pretty, and life was easy and joyful.

The first clouds swore at the refueling, where I, to support the conversation, asked if I was going to go to Lubeck and how much time would take this road? I was answered that I am going in the opposite direction, but it’s not scary, turn is not far. It is worse that, although before Lubeck and very close, there are often traffic jams on this road, and today, here is good luck, just Friday – people go to the sea.

I forgot to say that in Opel there were two excesses, represented by radio and tape recorder, but there were no two necessary things – the cigarette lighter and hours. I bought the cheapest alarm clock – he was still more expensive than I thought reasonable, and most importantly, very great, all the way fell under the seat.

Deciding to drive as quickly as possible on free areas of the road, so that at least somehow compensate for possible delays due to traffic jams, I checked at the same way. It easily accelerated to 120, 130, 160, 180, and the gas pedal has not yet rested in the floor. At 180, I stopped experiments and kept. Mercedes overtook me as if I stood on the spot. And there were no traffic jams. They did not happen before the port itself, and I stood in the queue in the first rows two hours before sailing. When I got enough, the tail was already lined up for me, and I realized that I will spend the saved time on this concrete card, without a gloomy glory, surrounded by sea with fuel oil stains. And then they even announced that the ferry for three o’clock is late. For these passengers with tickets will be issued free dinner for 12 stamps. Life again deceived – four hours on the sun in just 12 brands!

On the ferry, I looked at my our company again. These were older subdirects, kept solid, for dinner paid. I went to them in the bar and asked where they keep the way.

– On what road they go to Stockholm?

– There is only one. They know a cute motel, 100 kilometers from Malm, there they will do, and in the morning move in Stockholm.

I did not suggest to join them, but I was asked myself. Not because I’m scared, but, do you know, on the road can every happen, there, change the wheel. They did not refuse. We agreed to meet the departure from the port.

When I saw on which cars my new acquaintances leave with the ferry, I didn’t. Two jeeps with needles, BMW and Audi. If someone robbed – you can’t think better. But I was stopped by the customs officer and asked to fill the Declaration. Gorgeous tuple took from a room in a quarry and disappeared at the gate. It is clear that I did not catch it up. And above Sweden, meanwhile clouds. Twilight purple sky twice cut the lightning, and rained. Hemnelted for some half an hour. Before the rain, it has time to delightly smell fresh hay, bread, milk, that is, something is something rustic, clean and fresh, and then everything disappeared behind the wall of water.

If part of the road could still be seen, the pointers were not visible at all. And the road is such a straight line on the map – the beginning of the start and splitting. I mentally appreciated my salvation at $ 100 and decided to stay in the first hotels on this amount. I was not lucky and got novotel, devoid of the slightest national signs. After paying for the room with breakfast (buffet, of course) from the amount allocated, the amount remains on a modest dinner. The number in the traditional Novotelian style was still extremely spacious and comfortable, with a good shower, TV and a bed "Lenin with us".

600 with a small kilometers to Stockholm on cool Swedish weather and a good road and when the smell has appeared a pleasant walk around. The only thing that remains unclear is whether there is a limit of speed at the Swedish highway?

Signs 120 stood everywhere, but no one noticed them. Since I went in a general stream, I adhered to the speed of most.

In Stockholm I lost slightly, partly consciously to see the city. Having stopped at the first hotel, asked the map and asked the road to the port. I was given a map, drew the road and wished a pleasant way. I heard a lot about the beauty and charms of Stockholm, but probably they are not noticeable when the car window is broken. He seemed quite sad to me, but did not beat the desire to ever return and get to knowing it.

In the port, I got in a single queue without a name and worried, whether I stand there. It turned out that there. Familiar Silly Line seemed even more attractive, although I had a second class ticket, that is, I shared the cabin with three pretty finishes. Buffet for 32 Fm was abundant and exquisited, even with black caviar, to which, though there was a crush, so I limited the mountain of a variety of seashells and salmon. Since there was a calm night of the way, I even allowed myself to drink beer in the bar. The list of pleasures was a sauna, for 6 FM with pool, slides and jacuzzi. Although not only Scandinavians were presented on board, the sauna was given exclusively lush blondes with gentle pink skin. My appearance caused surprise, and everyone became interested in my nationality. In the sauna, I learned that many passengers of Silly Line are not traveling anywhere, but use the ferry as a two-day holiday home: they are strictly there – back, they do not even go to the shore, but enjoy the duty-free zone.

Helsinki’s path – Vyborg, I learned how my own: nothing has changed in two years, which went through since I last passed on it. I drove into the campsite, where I once forgotten the silk shawl – even the administration was not changed.

In Vyborg, the checkpoint and the process of intersection of the border from fresh air moved to a close stupid barn with windows.

Moscow met the expectation of the introduction of new customs duties. I went to the lawyer and learned with horror how much I would have to pay for my Opel. The legal adviser advised to wait with customs clearance – it is possible that the rules will change. A month later, the rules changed – but for the worse. Lost benefits and those who had previously had. I still did not fall under the benefits. New rules have come into effect from August 1, and adhesions began on customs. Phones were busy days. When it was possible to get through, reported that there are many people, very much, it is better to come after the first, then the fifth, then fifteenth of August. But it became more difficult to ride with overdue transit numbers, I took over the day from work and went to customs.

Customs "Ochakovo" – Entry through gearbox. At the entrance three guards. Pass is issued after watching the passport. Accompanying persons are not allowed. Arrow – Login to Customs (SIC!). I enter: windows under the numbers. I enhance first. There they take the documents, give a quarter of a sheet of paper and velted to translate their technical support. In the German technical service, the body number is recorded – and the engine does not appear. Old-timers advise to descend to see, they say, then there will be trouble when registering. The number on the engine is not easy. Watching the stomach All other internal parts of the car and the nasal handkerchief – engine boosters, I find a row of nonsense. For four pairs of Nole, having arched the neck, you can distinguish a few more digits. I will assume that this is the number.

While I am tormenting with the translation, in the first window you managed to write a check:

Requirements of documents – 50 thousand. USD

Filling declaration – 170 thousand. USD

Brokerage services – 90 thousand. USD

Assessment of foreign production cars – 300 thousand. USD

The front climb with questions, the rear is fixed, and I am badly moving towards the window 4, putting on it more than six hundred thousand and asking for a question of Turgenev Mum: for which?

In the third window – the queue excited about the approaching lunch break. There is no one in the window. The man who arrived with the checkpoint loudly notifies the audience about the occurrence of a blessed hour, not warning about the consequences. Queue produces census and resolve. And I was going to dissolve, but suddenly a face appeared in the window. And – about a miracle! Stretched out my papers. My number was the fourth, but I decided to silend. Inspector Mikhail Yuryevich – Polystal a thick reference book, smiled at me and asked me: I will appreciate me?

I confess, in search of workarounds, I visited the customs consultant, which in just 30 thousand rubles issued me a disappointing result: 2.5 thousand dollars – as much as the car cost me, – adding me that it was with a favorable coincidence, If the car is not assessed more than its purchase prices. But I love to bargain with fate. I say that the specialist should understand that I was inflated in the garage. Well, the specialist says, brands on two hundred. And on five hundred, kinuchu. Anyway, the specialist says, it is impossible to evaluate below the knack – the customs will not miss. Because of the occurrence, he refused to listen to my question – what the customs mean? And where am I? He just said that after dinner I have to wait at the sixth window when my papers pop up. And how I find out what they came up? Learn, – Mikhail Yuryevich promised.

PPC also turned out to be closed for lunch. And in both directions. Is it true that no one could penetrate the customs building on a lunch break, this is a controversial issue. But the fact that people could not go outside, because three people of the guard did not want to interrupt their joint meals to open the door, it seems to me a scribercive disgrace.

After lunch, my paper surfaced pretty quickly, and I got the right to appear on customs three days with money. I was offered to calculate the amount on the basis of certificates and instructions on the stand. I left, still naively believing that I am dealing with different departments of one organization.

On the appointed day I was in the morning, prudently taking another bit. It was not so great that the customs officers worked leisurely. Before lunch failed to present a car to inspection. Closer to the evening I counted the amount of duties and asked the internal passport. I had no passport with me, because from all my documents – I firmly remembered – certified copies were removed.

– Well, there in the first window.

– They don’t have a relationship to us, I need a passport.

Finally, everything explained. What I spent my first day was not even customs! Managed to find out what it is a brokerage company "Ochakovo". What they work under the sign of customs, customs does not oblige. Documents, for the assurance of which they take money, are not for customs and documents. But how then can they assign the date of the Customs? Perhaps it turns out. In addition, their services, of course, do not correspond to prices for the company (300 thousand for evaluating foreign cars without inspection, by bug!). And I would know about it in advance, I would at least compare prices in several firms.

And the employee of this customs never wanted to reveal his incognito. Although I have no complaints about him. Just nice to know who you are talking to. Why do you need my surname? Customs officer will learn from personal press with the number. So stayed in my arrival order – Blahae – number 162.